


the five times simon almost said i love you (and the time he did)

by slytherbitches



Category: Rise (TV 2018)
Genre: Everyone is super supportive, Theres a tickle fight, bc spoiler he loves him, except robert who can leave, its super cute, literally just fluff, menitons of many musicals, simon is constantly gushing about his boyfriend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-07
Updated: 2018-06-07
Packaged: 2019-05-19 08:40:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14870478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slytherbitches/pseuds/slytherbitches
Summary: in which simon loves his boyfriend with all of his heart, but he isn't sure how to tell him





	the five times simon almost said i love you (and the time he did)

Simon Saunders was never really one for feelings. He was never particularly touchy, he didn’t express his emotions often and he didn’t really mind. He was never one for feelings, until he met Jeremy Travers.

 

**_ONE_ **

The greenroom was Simon’s favourite place in the entire school. It reeked of the theatre program and was constantly filled with theatre kids. It was basically his home and stored almost all of his happy memories. From late nights studying, trying to get free snacks out of the vending machine, to practicing for the musicals.

“I hate English with every fibre in my body!” Simon was sitting in the greenroom surrounded by open books and homework during a free period, Jolene’s groaning going in one ear out the other. “Jo, you hate everything.” Michael and Jeremy were also occupying the room, but Simon was buckling down trying (the key word here) to get his work done.

“English may suck but let’s be honest maths is the absolute worst.” He vaguely registered his boyfriends voice, but he blocked it out. His history essay was due tomorrow and he really needed to finish it. “Okay one hundred percent true.”

“Siiiiiimon! Can you leave your work for a second and pay attention to your amazing friends!” He raised his head solely to roll his eyes and Jolene but ended up laughing when he spotted his friends staring at him with angle eyes and their hands under their chins. He laughed hard and was still laughing when he turned his head back to his work. And when he heard them all groan.

“Jeremy! go distract him! Use your super powers!” Simon felt Jeremy come and sit next to him. He sat still for a moment before leaning into his side. He pecked his cheek lightly before literally throwing himself on top of Simon.

“Jeremy!” Simon almost forgot there where other people in the room when Jeremy started to tickle his sides. “Oh my god! I hate you!” He tried to break away from the embrace, but he couldn’t. When the tickling stopped and the breathing returned to normal he stayed in his embrace. Homework long forgotten, something he knew he was going to regret but couldn’t care less about.

“I feel like a third wheel even though there are two of us here.” Simon vaguely heard Michael remark, he was in deep concentration. This time not with homework, but with his boyfriend. “Amen!”

He watched closely as Jeremy’s face lit up with laughter. The sun shining through the window and onto his face, extenuating his features. His heart fluttered as all he saw was pure happiness.

_‘I love you’_

It passed through his brain like a fleeting thought, without hesitation. It scared him to bits. He and Jeremy had only been dating for around three months. It was hard as Simon had not told his parents yet, meaning they had to do quite a bit of sneaking around. They had only been together for three months and Simon was already thinking things like that. He had never felt emotions this strong. It scared him. But as he watched his boyfriend he calmed down.

He still kept the thought to himself. He wanted to be sure. The word love was a big one, he didn’t want to misuse it. That and the fact they were on the greenroom floor with two of their closest friends, not to mention surrounded by homework. It wasn’t the most romantic setting he could think of.

 

**_TWO_ **

Jeremy’s backyard had quickly become a place they spent most of their time. Whether it be doing homework, singing musical duets, lying under a tree or cooking on the barbeque. Jeremy’s backyard made him feel safe. A place he could be himself.

“So, I watched mean girls the movie last night and if I was straight I’d totally be into Regina George, so I guess the musical makes sense. Oh! Also, I really wanted to be mad at how stereotypical Damien was but he was so funny so I let it go.”

Simon was sitting on the grass cross legged, Jeremy’s head in his lap. He was rambling and pulling grass out of the ground. Simon wasn’t really thinking, simply enjoying the view and the sun. “And I watched the deaf west version of Spring Awakening and I forgot how beautiful it was.” The moment was interrupted by a banging on the window.

Jeremy jumped up to run inside the house, from his position he could see him signing to his mother. Jeremy’s mum and younger brother and sister were completely deaf, while his father and he could both hear fully. Jeremy had confided in him that he struggled with it, a lot. But Simon always reassured him that things like that he couldn’t control.

As he watched his boyfriend sign so simply and easily he couldn’t help but smile. Even when Jeremy spotted him through the window. He felt no shame, continuing to stare at his boyfriend. It just made him happy, seeing his boyfriend be himself.

“Hey babe, I got you some ice cream.” Jeremy returned with two bowls in hand. In Jeremy’s bowl Simon spotted some strawberry ice cream, he visibly cringed at the sight. Until he saw the rocky road ice cream in the other bowl. “I managed to my mum into giving up some of her favourite ice cream, because I know you hate strawberry.” Simon looked up to his boyfriend’s sheepish face and his heart swelled.

_‘I love you’_

It once again slipped into his mind like it was the most casual thing in the entire word. He didn’t even give it a second thought, it almost rolled off of his tongue. Until he caught himself in the act. He stopped and nearly slapped a hand over his mouth.

“Si, you okay?” He returned to the real world. Realising he hadn’t said anything he leaned over and kissed him as a thank you. Raising his hand and signing thank you to his mother through the window. The rest of the day he was a little out of it, constantly thinking about the three words that had entered his head not only once but twice now. It scared him shitless and he wasn’t sure what he was going to do.

 

**_THREE_ **

The whole ‘I love you’ thing was really starting to scare Simon. Sure, it had only happened twice where he was so close to saying it. But it was just so overwhelming. Simon was never good at expressing his feelings. He never thought he would be. But Jeremy coming into his life had changed him, something he was still getting used to.

He was standing at his locker at break, retrieving some textbooks for his next class. He stopped at his locker for a second to people watch. He particularly enjoyed watching people. He liked trying to find little characterisations everyone did that was original, solely theirs.

As he watched the hallway and the people in it pass, rushing off to wherever they needed to be. He liked the stillness of the imaginary bubble he was in. He saw some of his friends form the troupe rush past, but he only vaguely registered them. As Jeremy was standing at the end of the hallway.

He watched as he stood and talked with someone for a minute. He watched as the sunlight lit up his whole body. As laughter filled his face. He simply watched his boyfriend and he couldn’t think of anything he’d rather be doing.

Jeremy turned and spotted him down the hallway. Simon watched as he smiled widely, literally only having eyes for him. Simon smiled in return, a faint blush found it’s way onto his face at being caught staring. He saw Jeremy sign ‘hi sweetheart’, it made him blush harder.

_‘I love you’_

He wanted to shout it from across the hallway. And he was close to. But as quick as the thought came it disappeared and was replaced with fears. Even though he could feel himself pale he sent a reassuring smile to Jeremy before turning on his way. He knew he couldn’t run from it forever but he needed more time.

 

**_FOUR_ **

It had been over a month since Simon had first realised he loved Jeremy. And he was still no closer to admitting it to him. Simon wanted it to be perfect, yet he didn’t want to overthink it. He was in quite a bit of a pickle.

“Si, what the hell are you doing?” Simon was sitting on the floor of the greenroom after school. He was waiting for Lillette and Jeremy as he had to drive them home.  He was trying to pass the time before they arrived.

“I’m trying to learn more sign language, but I don’t want to get it wrong.” He watched as Lillette looked at him and sighed. Simon narrowed his eyes but calmed when she responded. “You are so cute.” He rolled his eyes, but on the inside he was smiling at the compliment.

“I just want to be able to interact with his family more, but I don’t want to embarrass myself.” Lillette sat down next to him to him as he paused the video. “Si that is so sweet, you must really like him.”

Jeremy popped into his head. All of the things he liked about him ran through. He couldn’t help but immediately perk up. He just made him happy. “Yeah, I’m pretty sure I love him.” Lillette gasped, but all Simon could think about was how good it felt to finally say it aloud. He felt like a huge weight was lifted off of his shoulders.

“I love Jeremy Travers. I love how kind he is, I love his curly hair, I love how passionate he is, I love his blue eyes, I love how he gets me rocky road ice cream. I freaking love Jeremy Travers.” Simon couldn’t believe he had never set it out loud.

“Awe Si, I can’t believe it! have you told him?” Simon shook his head, honestly he was still to scared. “There hasn’t been a right time.” He looked over to see Lillette smiling. “I get it, it took me like three weeks to tell Robbie.”

“I just want it to be special, that’s why I’m trying to learn more sign language.” She placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder. “Hey hey, don’t worry about it. It’s the word that matter, not the gesture.”

“He likes the little things and I don’t want to overwhelm him.” She looked at him with piercing eyes. “Stop overthinking it! it’s going to be okay.” At that very moment Simon watched as his boyfriend walked through the door.

“What’s going to be okay?” Simon went into panic mode, officially freaking out. He turned to Lillette with wide eyes, but she sent him a look that basically told him to chill. “He’s freaking out about his maths assignment, you know how he gets!”

“Babe you honestly just need to chill.” Simon had never been more thankful for his best friend than in that moment. She was truly a life saver. “Last one to the car is a rotten egg!” With that he giggled and bolted out to room to the carpark like a child.

_‘Dammit I love you’_

 

**_FIVE_ **

“Simon where are you going?” Simon was trying to leave the house without too many questions, but his parents had other ideas. “I’m hanging out with Jeremy, my friend from the show.” He watched as his parent shared a look, making his stomach turn.

“Jeremy, your scene partner Jeremy?” The venom in his words really struck Simon hard. Their relationship had become extremely strained after his dad had left the theatre that day. Over the course of the following months the two had hardly spoke more than a few sentences at a time.

“Yeah, we are working through some work for English.” He sucked in a short breath, hoping the insensitive of school work would persuade his parents. “You’re spending an awful lot of time with him.” He started to feel his palms sweating under the stares of his parents.

“We have quite a few classes together.” He said it as more of a sentence as he felt himself begin to crack. “Is that it?” His fathers glare threw him off, it was so piercing. “What are you insinuating?” He wanted his father to back down, but he knew there was no chance.

“You know exactly what I am talking about?” It was like his mother had faded away, all Simon could see was his dad and the colour red. “Are you asking me if I’m sneaking around to be with him? If I’ve kissed him for real? Is that what you are asking?!”

“That is what I am asking.” Simon had never been so livid. He was bursting at the seams, he had no clue how his father could possibly be asking him. “Dad?” He decided to give it one last go, knowing that yelling would do no good for any of them.

“Simon.” His voice was firm, challenging. It made all of his anger return, double this time. “Simon why don’t you come and sit down, we can talk about this calmly.” He appreciated his mom trying to mediate, but it didn’t work. “If he tells the truth.”

“You know what, I am. Jeremy is my boyfriend! And I do not care what you think! I love him and that’s the truth” That was the last straw for Simon. His emotions bursting. It felt so good to finally say it. But he knew it wouldn’t end well.  

They sat stunned for a moment, Simon too. Before the storm arrived. “You will get out of my house.” His father had said it so calmly he almost didn’t register the fact he was kicking him out. He heard his mother’s quiet sobs. But he turned and walked out the door without a look back.

He calmly drove to Jeremy’s place. He was surprised by how still and emotionless he was. You know what, I am. Jeremy is my boyfriend! And I do not care what you think! I love him and that’s the truth Driving in silence all the way to his house.

He got out and walked to the front without a hitch. But the moment he opened the door he lost it. The tears fell and he collapsed in his arms. Jeremy wrapped him up and brought him to the ground slowly. He didn’t ask any questions. He simply rubbed him back soothingly and wiped away his tears. Tears staining his face and Jeremys shirt.

_‘I love you’_

Every bone in his body was itching to say it. But he didn’t think it was the right time. He didn’t want him to get the wrong idea. So like most of his emotions he kept it inside. Simply letting his tears come to a halt. Staying in the embrace that Simon hoped would last forever.

 

**_BONUS_ **

“Si, are you feeling better?” Simon had ended up staying the night at Jeremy’s. They had spent what seemed like hours in the embrace on his front porch before making their way inside. He watched with a tear stained face as Jeremy and his mom intensely signed. He felt awkward, but he also felt no emotions. He was so out of it he could really register anything.

When they were finished Simon felt a hand on the small of his back leading him up the stairs and into Jeremy’s room. They sat cuddling. Simon crying once more. They didn’t say anything that night, and he was extremely thankful for that. He didn’t think he could have handled explaining himself.

But now it was the next morning and Simon knew there was some questions that he would need to answer. “I’m better now.” Simon was wrapped up in his arms (a proud little spoon), a position they had been in all night. “You wanna tell me what happened?”

“I told them I was coming over and my dad started interrogating me. I got so angry and completely lost it. I told them and all he said was get out of my house.” He felt him squeeze him tighter in reassurance as he recounted the encounter. “gosh I hate your parents.”

Simon watched as he slapped his hand over his mouth. It made him laugh and laughing made him feel good. It made him feel better about yesterday. Because he knew that even if his father didn’t care for him there are people that do. “but you know you are welcome here any time, right?”

Simon leant back into the embrace to say his thanks. “My mum came in before, but I didn’t want to wake you up.” They untangled themselves and got up and out of bed. “She wasn’t us to go get some groceries when we got up.”

“Do you want me to drive?” Jeremy nodded and the two quickly changed into some fresh clothes before getting in the car and driving to the store. “I am putting on waitress and you can not stop me!” Simon wouldn’t have dared. One of his favourite things to do was watch Jeremy sing. And that boy could sing waitress.

As they entered the store he could still hear Jeremy humming I didn’t plan it. The store was relatively empty, it was early on Sunday morning. Normally Simon would be at mass but he couldn’t face his father just yet. The two walked around the shop picking up things from the list Jeremy’s mom gave him.

“Hey Si, you’re looking cutecumber!” Simon turned his head to see Jeremy standing there with a cucumber in hand and a sheepish smile on his face. He burst out laughing. He could feel the people there turn to look at him. But he didn’t care.

Jeremy continued to make puns throughout all of the isles. It made Simon feel so much better. They made their way to the freezer isle and without a word  Jeremy opened one of the freezers and grabbed some rocky road ice cream. His heart couldn’t take it.

_‘I love you’_

Simon raised his hand, he stuck out his thumb, pointer and pinkie finger. He held his hand like that for a solid minute while Jeremy stared. “I love you.” Simon felt like he had to say it aloud. He had been keeping it a secret for forever and he needed to say it. It felt like the best feeling in the world.

But it felt even better when Jeremy flung forward, wrapping his hands around him. Their lips met in the middle and neither where worried about who saw. “I love you so fucking much.”

They were just two boys in love.

**Author's Note:**

> this was dumb and took me like a week to write but here y'all are, also it's been a month since rise got cancelled and i want to cry


End file.
